As I Wander Deeper into the Desert of My Soul

                “My Lord, my God, as I wander in the desert of my soul, I keep finding things hidden in the sand; things that have been there a long time, half buried in the sand as the winds of time have slowly blown the many of grains of sand over them, making half hidden piles camouflaged and hard to recognize. I have to look very carefully and when I find a sandy mound, I slowly and carefully brush away the sand to reveal what lies beneath. Only with prayer can I find the confidence to look further. I can’t do it alone. Without You, I want to bury it again and walk away. With Your help, I can face these things I have tried to hide within me. With You by my side, gently encouraging me, I am able to uncover my flaws, my weaknesses. I can see how I have tried to rationalize their existence, how I have made excuses and how I have been lazy by burying them deeper. When I rely on just myself to correct these flaws, the job becomes too overwhelming and I give up, bury them again and say, ‘Maybe later I will work on that.’

                “How sad, that limits Your power. You can do anything. Nothing is too much for You. You created me. You know me. You know what I am meant to be. It is I who have messed it all up. It is my pride that keeps me from asking for Your help. Sometimes, I want to hide myself from You until I am all okay. Then I can present myself in a worthy fashion to give You glory and honor. Silly me, when I think I have fixed everything and I think I am in a good state to present myself to You, I am actually completely unworthy to stand before You. It is when I kneel, broken and poor in spirit – that is when I am most ready to be before You. That is when You reach out Your loving embrace saying, ‘Now you’ve got it. Come to Me and let us be united through My Sacred Heart.’ That is when You can bathe me in Your light, dress me in Your love and let me shine pure and bright with You inside me.

                “Dear, dear Lord, show me my pride. Place a large sign on that mound in the sand so I can’t miss it. Walk with me as I hesitantly approach it, clean off the sand and reveal its hideous appearance. Pride is like a bomb. When it goes off, it destroys many things in its path and creates a chasm of chaos and destruction in the soul. Show me how to destroy it, not just bury it. Show me how to replace it with humility. May humility fill that deep hole and all the adjacent holes created from that explosion. May humility smooth over the sand, enabling me to walk ahead with Your hand on my shoulder, to find the next mound in the sand. Let us walk together, not lost and stumbling, but searching throughout this desert like explorers with great anticipation and joy at finding the next hidden part of me to be transformed by You into something that makes me more like You.”