Rejected Lover

                “Oh dear Lord, I cry out in pain and fall to my knees in anguish. How can any of us reject Your beautiful intense love? I feel Your pain at the rejection of Your beloved people - all Your people. I feel the deep stabbing pain in my heart of a person rejected by the one whom they are so deeply in love with. I am talking about the kind of love that consumes your entire being and makes every breath you take a labor because your heart is held paralyzed in anticipation of seeing that person. To be rejected by the one you love that much literally knocks the wind out of you and leaves you bleeding inside with a deep hole in your heart. Oh dear Jesus, I feel this pain in You at the rejection of Your people. And not just the obvious rejection of people who say there is no God or that they don’t need God in their lives, but also the more subtle rejection of those driven by pride to do their own will and not Yours. The pain You feel surges through me, even in response to those people who twist their good works or Your good graces into deformed damaged works for their own gain.

                “Oh Lord, You are the rejected lover who did nothing wrong; the one who continually gave His entire self for others and did everything out of love. Oh dear rejected lover, how can You pick Yourself up and continue Your walk to Calvary? Oh dear rejected lover, how can You lay Your life down, slowly, peacefully and painfully on the cross for those who refuse Your love? Oh dear rejected lover, every nail pounded through Your flesh cuts through my body and leaves me screaming out. Every single one of us has contributed and continues to contribute to each strike of the nails. Oh dear rejected lover, please have mercy on all of us, have mercy on me. I am so sorry for every rejection You have ever incurred and for every one that will occur in the future. How I long for the peace of eternity, when the nails will no longer be pounded into Your flesh and any rejection of love will cease to exist. No more pride, envy, vanity. Only love; deep love for others and most of all, the deep love for You will be the foundation and network of the eternal world. Everything and everyone will draw its very life and breath from that network of love. Oh dear rejected lover, I long for that future reconciliation for all Your people.”

Lenten Transformation

                “Dear Lord, my God, as Lent begins, I ask for the grace and courage to die to myself so that I may live in You. I breathe in deeply and exhale slowly to ready myself for this journey. I know it won’t be easy and will probably be painful, but I also know it is what I must do in order to grow and to approach You. Take my hand and walk with me. Show me what needs to be done.

                “First, I must recognize that I, like all of us, am a fallen sinner. I am no different than any of Your children. We all share the same fallen nature. I have the same carnal desires, selfish motives, self-love, vanity, laziness and weakness that every child of Adam and Eve has. Lord, help me to be brave enough and honest enough to see myself as I truly am. Remove any mask or wall I have and let me look at myself as if I am standing in a mirror with You beside me. Grant me Your vision for that moment so I may see myself as You do. Look deep in my soul. What is beautiful? What is repulsive? What do we keep and what do we change?

                “Now, as I see my true self, fill me with pure humility. Help me recognize that I am imperfect externally and internally without You. Physically, as my body succumbs to the forces of mortality and time, show me how to rely more on You and on those loved ones around me. Help me recognize that I cannot do things all on my own, especially as I age. Remove my pride that wants to say, “Look how strong I am.” Instead, raise the voice of humility to say, “Look how strong we are together.” Spiritually, show me how I hover weakly without You. Show me how I am unable to climb to any higher spiritual levels on my own. All my knowledge and effort amounts to just time spent until I can give it to You, let You assimilate and transform that effort into the spiritual progress You want for me.

“May I embrace my weaknesses, physical and spiritual, so that I will recognize that with You, I am complete; without You, I am weak and broken. Empty me of the pride that fills the space in my soul reserved for You and Your humility; the humility that You exhibit to reach down from heaven and enter into the heart of one of Your creations. Help me to allow and embrace Your assistance and the assistance of others in my endeavors, both physical and spiritual, thus taking Your love and opening a vertical channel from You to me and from me to You, as well as opening a horizontal channel of love from me to my neighbors and from my neighbors to me. Then the love flows up and down and side to side, like the cross You lovingly embraced for Your Father and for all of us.

                “Dear Lord, my God, in humility I ask that You fill my weak, broken self with Your deep vast love. May it pour over me and through me, permeating the depths of my soul, healing and strengthening all that it touches. May I shine like the sun shimmering on the ocean after a dark storm, transformed and brilliant with Your light. May I be like the caterpillar who first inches along the ground and then transforms into a butterfly, now able fly up towards You.  Oh Lord, let me die to myself like the caterpillar so that You can live within me like the butterfly. Together, let us live as one.”

May I kneel with You in the Garden of Gethsemane?

                “Dear Lord, my God, my heavenly King, I humbly ask to hear Your voice. Dear Mother Mary, prepare me to kneel before the Lord, our Father. Jesus, show me the way. Come Holy Spirit, come; blow through my heart and soul, open the doors and windows and let the love of God shine in and throughout my very being. Open my inner senses to receive all You wish to send me.

                “Lord, take me to the Garden of Gethsemane the night You prayed so fervently. I feel the cold air. I smell the leaves of the olive trees. The flowers are just beginning to bloom, releasing their sweet fragrance in the air. Lord, I see You kneeling, face turned toward the sky, lit by the moonlight. Your tears have stained Your face and sparkle in the dim light. Your forehead has large droplets of blood that have oozed out in Your distress. My heart is breaking for You. You are alone in that moment. Your beloved disciples have fallen asleep a little way from You. It is late and has been a long day for them celebrating the Passover, yet You remain awake, praying to Your beloved Father about the events about to take place. Your agony, Your distress, Your inner conflict is like a chaotic static cloud. My heart cries out to You as You ask the Father if it is possible to let the cup pass from You, yet not as You will, but as He wills (Mt 26:39). I want to cry out to Your Father, “Please let it pass!” but of course, I am only reacting to the moment and not to the whole plan of salvation. I am like Peter who speaks at the instant from my heart. You slowly turn Your eyes to me and say, “Get behind me Satan, for you do not do the will of the Father.”

                “Oh Lord, the sting. Do not let me cling to my personal desires; they block the will of the Father. Oh Lord, forgive me, dust of the earth and handiwork of Your creation, for clinging to the pieces of the puzzle on earth that must continually move into the places You have designed. How often do I grasp at the hem of Your robe as You walk through this world? Instead, free me of my attachments and let me sweep the path for You. Use me as an instrument for the orchestration of Your great masterpiece instead of stumbling on me as an obstacle in Your way.

                “Oh Lord, You have given me much and I know You expect much of my heart in return. My heart swells with intense love for You as You turn Your gaze back to the sky in the garden. I see the angel Your Father has sent You to comfort You this night. Oh Jesus, You have show me the way to be a true disciple. I love and support You. Let me be like the angel who gently holds You, Your heads tipped toward each other. Oh thank you dear angel, you are there for comfort, not to change the plan or to talk about the horror and anxiety; instead, you are there to console, to support, to embrace, to love, to assure that the Father’s will be done and that love will triumph.

“Oh Lord, let me live my life like the angel, supporting You, loving You, helping You accomplish the Father’s will. May Your glory be seen. May Your love fill all the souls of everyone everywhere. Oh dear Lord, may I kneel with You in the Garden of Gethsemane?”

Holy Soldier

                “Dear Lord, what does it take to be a holy soldier? First, it takes humility. A true holy soldier must first be able to admit that he is nothing without You God. He has to come with true poverty of spirit and mind. A humble soldier has nothing to lose and no attachments, nothing holding him back. If he is to fight for You Lord, he must have nothing he sees as coming from him, nothing of his own; all that he has he must recognize as being from You. Then he can fight freely, vigorously, zealously for You and for all that You have given him. He can fight unreservedly and bravely with the tools You have generously given him. The gifts You have given are precision tools created by the master for a specific purpose. Only a truly humble person can accept these first and then use them for Your will and not his own. His humility must also be so pure that it keeps him honest. A humble person won’t lie. He will be able to admit he has nothing and does not seek to improve the impression of himself. A humble person is an honest person, able to admit his poverty and nothingness.

                “Next, a holy soldier needs to know what he is fighting for. He can’t be blind or ignorant. He must be well educated and well-informed about his faith and the Church. He must be a true patriot of the Church. He fights for You and for Your holy bride. He must love the holy Church as You do and he must want to defend the truth that You have given us. To do that, he must know the history and all that You told Your people when You were here on earth.

                “Once a holy soldier has gained a firm knowledge of the faith and all that You taught us, then he can fall more deeply in love with You as part of Your holy bride, the Church, through a life of intense prayer. He must be close to you, very close to you. He must listen to You intently. He must be able to share all his deepest thoughts and concerns with You. He must be able to recognize and discern Your will through his daily prayer which must be intense, uninterrupted and focused. He must be free of distractions and turned completely to You - not the way newlyweds talk to each other, but more like the way a soldier listens to his general before stepping onto the battlefield. His prayer must be that intense and that intimate. The holy soldier must also love and honor Your blessed Mother because it was through her that You chose to be incarnate into this world and it was to her that You gave all humanity as her sons and daughters as You died on the cross.

                “Once the humble soldier has armed himself with knowledge and bathed himself in intense prayer, falling deeply in love with You and Your Mother, he must be very brave to step forward and fight the battle for the salvation of souls no matter how difficult the fight may be. The stakes are high. Success means eternal joy with You dear Lord. Failure means eternal damnation with Satan. It’s that simple. It is more than just life or death; it is eternal life or eternal death. The holy soldier must be filled with courage from You dear Lord. He must truly believe in You, with an unwavering faith to be able to stand courageously and fight. If he succumbs to fear, it is because he doubts You and Your eternal plan for all of us.

                “The holy soldier must also be determined and able to persevere. He must never give up, weaken or worst of all, become apathetic. He must maintain his holy zeal and he must continue to fight tirelessly. He must not seek a vacation or a reprieve; this is not a game, it is war.

                “He must also be very patient. He must be able to wait until You tell him to step forward. He must be patient, trusting that no matter what the battlefield looks like, and no matter who or what appears to be succeeding, that Your will is being done. He must be patient to wait in the fox holes and trenches until You command an advance or a retreat. He cannot be impulsive and he cannot act upon his own accord.

                “Oh dear Lord, do I have what it takes to be a holy soldier? I know You need holy soldiers now more than ever in this current world that wants to put You aside and run things through man alone. Please grant me the graces I need to be humble, honest, well-informed, steeped in prayer, filled with a deep love for You and Your Mother, courageous, determined and able to persevere with great patience. Then and only then can I be an effective holy soldier ready to fight this war.”

The Love that Completes Me

                “Dear Lord, I hear Your call today and earnestly seek Your presence. I am searching, desperately searching for the love that completes my soul. You have blessed me with so much love in my life through my family, my husband, my friends, my church, and yet my soul remains with an openness to receive that one perfect love for which I was created. I long for You, I pine for You, I thirst for You and therefore, I live on earth searching for You.

                “You have shown me glimpses of You on earth because You are everywhere and in everything and for that I am grateful. Sometimes I see You in a person, in a situation, in nature, and even in tragedy and disaster. You are always there weaving the threads of Your creation into a beautiful work of art, even those threads that sometimes unravel or shred. You always place them carefully into Your art in just the perfect place with a beauty that only You can create.

                “Dear Lord, please continue to reveal Yourself to me wherever I go and in whatever I do. May that deep longing in my heart be dabbed with Your healing water every day in ways I may not always expect or recognize, the way Veronica appeared through the horror of the angry mob accompanying You to Calvary, and gently, lovingly, wiped Your face and reflected Your love.

                “Dear Lord, the shining light of my heart, shine as a beacon on this world to light the way for me to seek You. May the emptiness in my heart and soul be filled with that shining light and keep me ever true on the path to Your heart.”

Contemplating Love

                “My Lord, my God, my heart longs for You – a deep yearning that leaves me exhaling in a sigh of hope for being with You. Today I ponder the depth of Your love. What a precious gift You give the world – love. It’s an abstract concept that doesn’t have a physical substance that can be seen or touched; it can only be experienced. But once experienced, love’s infinite power changes not only that person, but all those around that person as well. It has a ripple effect like a droplet of water in a still pond. It radiates outward, ring by ring, touching each one as it goes. Even those bystanders watching its effect can be transformed and future generations who hear of its effect have the opportunity to be transformed.

                “I think of how love can make us do things we never thought we were capable of doing. I think of the sinful woman who entered the place where Jesus was invited to dinner. She must have been so afraid to walk into that room and to be in front of Jesus, yet she did and she washed his feet with her tears, dried them with her hair and anointed them with expensive perfumed oils while people scoffed at her and thought she was crazy. She loved You so much that nothing else mattered to her except to show You her immense love. All the people there saw this great “crazy” act of love and had the opportunity to be transformed. Over 2000 years later, the ripple effect continues from that moment. I am deeply touched by her example of love and generosity.

                “Love for You God is what inspired Your dear Mother to say yes at the annunciation, even though it meant scandal as she was betrothed to Joseph. Her love for You God gave her the courage to nudge You into Your public ministry at the Wedding of Cana. It would have been easier to ignore the lack of wine but she knew it was time to begin Your plan of salvation. Love gave her the courage and fortitude to walk with You to Calvary and to kneel at the foot of Your cross accepting Your divine will. That is the awesome power of love that can make us do supernatural things. Her great love for You and for us also keeps Your blessed Mother praying for all humanity as her children, even as the world tries to turn away from You and many people continue to mock You, to ignore You, or to deny You exist.

                “Consider the love that coursed through the veins of the martyred saints; those incredible brave souls who were able to sacrifice their lives, some in horrific ways, out of their great love for You. Love gave them supernatural strength to withstand tortures no human should ever have to endure. The awesome power of love filled these beautiful souls and empowered them to do what most would say is impossible. Consider also priests: love for You drives them to live a life of total service that doesn’t make sense to the average person. The life of a priest is completely infused with love which drives them to live a consecrated life to save the souls of Your beloved people in a selfless fashion.

                “It was love that inspired You to create us in the first place. Love for us also inspired You to send us Your only son, to be incarnate in the world as Jesus to live with us and to teach us about love. The great love between You God the Father and God the Son as well as Your immense love for all humanity resulted in the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. Love rose above all reason and gave You as Jesus the courage and strength to make it through that agonizing night in the Garden, to be arrested, persecuted, ridiculed, mocked, scourged and crucified. Love conquered all as Your divine plan of salvation was carried out. You rose from the dead and gave us the way to continue in love with You for all eternity.

 “I don’t understand love but I can’t live without it. I can only experience it and share it with all those around me in a perpetual ripple effect. I am awed that something so hard to describe is so very vital to our existence, like the air we breathe. Without it, just like air, we cannot survive. With love, we can live with You for all eternity. This is what we were created for – to love and to be loved. This is what my heart longs for. This is what leaves me exhaling in a sigh of hope.”